Nugrah's funniest moments

This post is meant to record the funniest moment that Nugra has created.

He was only about 4 years old when we went around Surabaya and ended up in furniture exhibition. A sofa with 'Do not seat' sign was arranged beautifully in one of the corner. Unaware with the sign, Nugra sat comfortably until I told him about the sign. Instead of standing up, Nugra chose to sleep on it! Hm...sit is different with sleep, right??

One afternoon, me, Kak Chali and Nugra were walking home after praying in the nearby mosque. Worried about Nugrah's safety, my husband asked me the english translation for "jalan di pinggir". Nugrah heard his father and replied, in english "Don't walk in the middle, bapak"...yup, we can look at everything from any perpectives, right??

Nugra loves history books. Ancient egypt, roman empire, famous people, invention, primitive life etc. One day he asked me "mum, who lived earlier? cave men or nabi Ibrahim?" I asked why? and he said, he read in a book that cave men found fire, and that, another book said one of Nabi Ibrahim's miracle was to walk through fire. He concluded that cave men must had been lived earlier. But then, he was confused again with Nabi Adam, as the first human created by Allah. So, did Nabi Adam a cave man? Nugra was about 5 or 6 at that time. His curiosity made me research again on the history of human...never underestimate what a child is capable of, right??

One day my mother went to the mall with Nugra. Nugra wanted to buy game, and my mother asked if he had money or not. Nugra answered "no, but I have my grandma with me"..hahaha..

Another day in Singapore, my mother nursed my children while I attended a conference with Kak Chali. They strolled around the city when, my mother said, they saw a young man helping his grandma walking. My mother said to Nugra that he also had to help her when he become a young man. Nugra replied 'but you won't live that long, mami??' ...oh...nugra..nugra..

Nugra is supposed to wear glasses but keep refusing to do it. He will come up with so many reasons to avoid wearing ones. One day, we went for an eye test. The opthometrist asked nugra if he can read the letters. Nugra said "of course I can if I don't stand too far from the board"..hahaha..

It was a family day. We chose to go to Gramedia, Makassar. Once we got there, everyone was busy with their books. Nugrah and I were two aisle apart from each other. He was in best selling section while I was in housing. I was so occupied with my own interest when I heard Nugrah, asked me a question, with a very loud voice: 'Mom, what is kelamin?'.... Everyone looked up and smiled...phew!!

My children, how fast you both have grown...

What a proud mom I am!
It seems like yesterday when I hold little tiny Savira in my arms. I still remember vividly when I wiggled her toes, watched her first step during her first birthday, smiling at her swaying body when she tried to walk steadily, dressed her up and made her hair do with a cute bandana and ribbon. I remember my terrible fear when she was almost drown during bathing, fell from her carriage.
Yesterday and today, Savira has been cooking a delicious pudding caramel. The day before she had succeeded in making the chocolate muffin. For my birthday, Savira presented me with her most beautiful butterfly painting. She is an art lover.

She is also starting to show her interest toward her opposite gender. Something that needs a special touch of art to handle...like flying a kite, need to know the right moment to loose and to thighten the thread.

Today, I measure her height and she's nearly as tall as I am.

My kind son, Anugrah. The day when I hold him for the first time, 9 November 1997, 7am. When his cries were like music to my ear. When his first walk took me by surprise. When he said his first word 'mama'. When he kept on moving his head side to side, everytime he heard some music. When he sang his first song:

naik eleta api tu..tu..tu..
ciapa enda uyu...
i andung...i aya...
i...ima...i...uya....

The time when he was 'puppyyy'...and sang:

inci inci ider...
limb up the wall of ..out...
And I asked if he had finished his ritual, he answered: 'no' ye'......

The day when he kept on dancing, twisting his body constantly in front of a shop in Sydney while listening to a song 'Walking like an Egyptian'.

I remember my tortured heart when I had to stop breastfeeding him because I had to leave for Australia. I remember my guilty feeling when my husband told me that he searched for me under the bed, even under the pillow.

Nowadays, all he wants to do is to pleased me. He teaches me how to stay floating in the pool, he is very concerned whenever I'm sick, and he keeps on making me some food, even just a toast with nutella, to make sure that I eat properly everytime he sees me working. He always hugs me before sleeping and reading stories together. For my birthday, he treated me like a queen, doing all the works for me.

Today, he makes me smile. He sent me email 'urgent mom must buy nutella now'..how cute...

Today, I measure his height and he is almost as tall as I am...

My children have grown. They no longer need my lullaby songs, but it doesn't mean it is forgotten. I believe that the rhytm of the song echoes in their ears for the rest of their life, and it will pass on to their children and to their next generation.

Do..re....mi...
do.. a deer a female deer,
re..a drop of golden sun,
me..a name I called myself,
far..a long-long way to run,
sew..a needle pulling thread,
la..a note to follow sol,
tea..a drink with jam and bread...
that will bring us back to do....

Rock a bye baby..
rock a bye baby on the tree tops
when the wind blows the craddle will rock
when the bough breaks the cradlle will fall
and down will come baby, craddle and all..

Nugra sleeping..(from the song 'Nina Bobo')
nugra sleeping..oh ...nugra sleeping
if you're not sleeping mosquito will bite you..

If today is the world stealing day, what would you steal from me?

I got a text from my dear sister today. It said "If today is the world stealing day, what would you steal from me?" My answer is :"your brain and your beauty at the most, and your teeth at the least"..hahaha...and what does her husband's most wanted possession of hers? Her teeth!!!! So he can rip it off and throw the teeth as far as they could possibly be....hahaha...she just hates toothbrush!! She even confessed that during her younger age, she brushed the bathroom wall to make a squeeky sound, tricking my late father who frequently eavesdropped in the bathroom door to make sure that we did brush our teeth!! In one of her birthday, her husband lovingly gave her an expensive, electronic german made toothbrush! Hahaha.....

Then, I forwarded the text to one of my friend, and the answer is "surely I would steal your spirit of caring people"...hahaha..sounds like Salvos. Another friend answers "I would not steal anything from you because I'm much much better than you...sorry..." hm......... and other answers "well, can I wait until you get your PhD? Then, I'll steal it..." yeah, you wish!!! The rest of the answers are related to personal tribute (sweetness, smile, cheering, etc) and material (wealth, fashion, etc).

However, the answer from my dearest husband is the most unexpected and the most beautiful one. It takes my breath away....He answers it shortly "Your hurt". I burst into tears.

(It is 1 am now. Alone. My children have gone to sleep. My husband's wishes echos in my ear. One of the best birthday present ever. Two words only. The power of words, lifting my seemingly everlasting burden. I feel like floating, flying. So light. This is my response:

"unexpected answer, thank you. Will always remember it. But you don't have to steal my pain, cause if you are hurt, it's my hurt too. Better throw that away and free ourselves from the pain and let us live. Bravo our little clique of family. I love you even more"

Because I do love him dearly.....

Half way there.....

my precious one,

we are nearly there...

we have traveled half of this long road

we have walked into the path of joy

we have conquered the hardships

and yet, there are more to come...

we hug to seek comfort

we smile to fight loneliness

we are, nevertheless, to let another half way to pass

my precious one,

we are nearly there...

Hope

hope will always find its way..
embracing every soul..
sometimes in the most peculiar ways..
where all doors seem to be closed..

even at its coldest, the sun still shines..
igniting the earth thru the thickness of the branch..
peeking brightly to warm the freezing land..
to warm the soul..

(let your mind breeze the coldness of snow in this hot summer day of 41'c)

Start believeing..

Sometimes ago, my supervisor commented my work during our meeting...

"I'm not satisfied with your progress..what have you been doing?"..

I'm dumbfounded. Strike 1!!

I can't help to feel hopeless. Yes, I then asked myself the same question. Yes, I haven't done much. Then, who is there to blame?

Aha...my mind quickly points out my status as a single mum in Australia. It is a tough job to care two 'nearly grown up children', right? Do this and that around the house, think this and that to ensure their needs are provided. Wait, that's not all, I also think about my husband who left behind. Long distance relationship adds to the problem, right?? Yes, I find the answer to my own lacking!! But, hang on, aren't they the source of my happiness? aren't they the reason for my decision to go through this journey? Wouldn't it be worse if they are not here besides me?? so, why blame them? They've got nothing to do with my weaknesses!!

Strike 2!!

Think..think..what is in there to blame?? Perhaps, I shall blame my supervisor. She shouldn't say such things to me!! Didn't she understand that I come from different background? that criticism has no place in my culture? Yeah...true..but..

But, what about if the questions were directed to me? that I, too, have to understand their culture? to be bold? to be straightforward as a means of supporting and motivation? Gee, speechless!

Strike 3!! Knock Out!!

Then, I remember that a good friend of mine described me in my friendster.

11/4/2007 4:16 pm

"A mom with good motivation. She can manage family and her study matters well. First time I met her, my English teacher asked me to discuss an issue with her, and I was totally down. She looked very smart. But she told me: "do not feel like that. If you feel down when you face someone, try to ask things". I remember and practice the tip in everyday lives. Thanks for that". (by Melvin)

I feel embarrassed with his comment. It is not merely because I have forgotten what I have said, but most of all, I do not practice what I told him to. For this reason, I have to thank him deeply for his comment. Since then, I reflect my problem and start to look inside, instead of outside. I only have myself to blame!

I realise that I had put myself under the shadow. I'm surrounded by people who, in my eyes, are far more advanced than me. I felt so small. Yes, at times, I lost trust with myself. I didn't consider my body, my brain as my friend. I felt like they had betrayed me. No, I did not believe in myself. A deathly poison that kills everything goods your body has to offer!! As it turned out, I became a lazy person. Denial. Showing my snob that I could do everything without help. What a prick!! I hid my true color behind my hypocrisy.

Thank God I was not carried away, thanks to Melvin, especially also to Sudirman, Nana and Amel. I started to type word by word. Yes, I started to write with ease. No burden for perfection. Until finally I submitted my paper, and I had this comment:

'I'm glad. I'm happy. You are on the right track. You really bring me to the field'.

A home run!!! 1 point in!!

I jump with joy. But not too long, though, cause a day after that, I received an email from Lenore, my supervisor: "keep the momentum, keep producing" along with three journals to read!!! Hahahaa....no resting!!

I become aware that my friends are my mentor, friends in discussion who will enrich my insight knowledge. They are here to share, not to judge, just as I will do for them. I gradually build my trust to myself.

Never will I believe that my breakdown is over, nor I will think that I become a perfect person, cause perfection stops us from developing.

This is what I want to pass on to savira and nugrah:

"Start believing, start with your own body. Make peace with your mind, and let it be your best friend as your mind will never mislead you. Learn from others, but never take advantage of them".

Melbourne, summer 2008, in a hot day of 41'c.