Hiding behind the beauty, part 1

This picture was taken by my brother in law, Iman Burhanuddin. It is located between Majene - Mamuju, West Sulawesi and a famous place to enjoy the sunset. One afternoon, as I and my husband traveled along, we saw a newly wed couple stopped by for pictures, wearing their colourful, yet, complicated wedding gown! But, sometimes beauty has its secret! One day, we were going back to Makassar and our car was about an inch away from a huge wave swaying from the sea...hitting the sea barrier and the road before swept back ....And, this is also the place where Adam Air was thought to have drowned...Yes, myth and superstition are still strongly recognised by people, especially in the remote area. However, the beliefs are ultimately important to preserve the nature. People are afraid to act against nature, even cutting the trees....Hm..just as they are afraid to run over a cat....There's always something hiding behind the beauty......

Whose quality time ?

Years ago, 2003, I followed a short course on Nutrition and Leadership in Lido, Sukabumi, organised by SEAMEO Indonesia. It was a night of gathering to welcome all participants when Professor Corazon of Phillipines told us about her personal story which has been an inspiration for me ever since.

Her story started when she went out with her child and met her old friend in someplace. Professor Cora's friend asked her how she kept up with her busy life as an academic, professional as well as a mum. Professor Cora said, without doubt : " The most important thing is to spent the quality time with your children".

When Professor Cora and her child got home, her child suddenly asked her a question which she would never thought before: " Mum, whose quality time are you talking about?" Is it yours? Or mine?" Her child continued to say that every time he needed her, she was not there. Everytime she needed her help to do his homework, she was not there. She was there most of the time on weekends, when he doesn't need to do his homeworks, when he actually needed a time for himself.

Professor Cora admitted she could not say anything and never suggested and even talked about spending a quality time again, with others.

For me, this story was the most beautiful, touching and surreal lesson that teach me so much on how to listen and learn from my kids. Many of us, including me, do not even understand the meaning of quality time. So, I think, some questions remain important if one discuss about quality time: Who is it for ? How are we going to do it? When is the right time of what so called 'quality time'? How are we going to evaluate it? and the list goes on.....

To this end, I sincerely extend my gratitude to Prof Cora, for sharing her experience with us, particularly with me, so that I can start listen to my kids.

(The phrase used in this writing is of my responsibility. I recalled the words to the best of my ability to remember words by words. However, the story do not loose its precious meaning as it was the true story, and the emphasise was about the discourses on quality time).

work to live, or live to work?

How many of us thought that our life will be better when we have a job? I feel confident to say that 100% will say 'of course'. Have any of us ever suffer from health problems? I will also feel confident that 100% will say 'Well, yes, of course'. Now, how many of us ever thought that in some cases, if not all, our health problems related to our work??? Hm...some might say 'yes' straight away, some will say 'yes...but,..' some will reluctant to say 'yes' and offer the answer 'no...' with long pause!!! How many of us fall to poverty due to battling ill health caused by long working hours, high demanded job, insecurity to loose job that force us to work off-limit? .......!!!???.......And, how many of us has lost time to see our kids grow because we simply not there for them?

Getting a job is everyone's dream. Who won't? With job, we can support our life economically, having social gain with extended network in our work, being able to improve our skills with, if lucky, free training course, free traveling, free meals...Sounds great, doesn't it?

But, have we ever thought 'the dark side' of this? Of people who become 'addicted' to the job? Of people who works in the most crumpy, stuffy, risky working environment? Of people who sacrifice their life to work but fail to make their works livable?

Not many people are fortunate enough to work less and gain more. More than half of world's community works miserably in the most miserable working condition and policy. Factory workers, one of the classic examples. Fear of retrenchment, high demand to meet production quota, rapid turn over for younger, quicker and faster workers, are just few reasons that push them to the edge of their life. Ill-health is their closest friend!

Let's make our working condition livable!