Whose quality time ?

Years ago, 2003, I followed a short course on Nutrition and Leadership in Lido, Sukabumi, organised by SEAMEO Indonesia. It was a night of gathering to welcome all participants when Professor Corazon of Phillipines told us about her personal story which has been an inspiration for me ever since.

Her story started when she went out with her child and met her old friend in someplace. Professor Cora's friend asked her how she kept up with her busy life as an academic, professional as well as a mum. Professor Cora said, without doubt : " The most important thing is to spent the quality time with your children".

When Professor Cora and her child got home, her child suddenly asked her a question which she would never thought before: " Mum, whose quality time are you talking about?" Is it yours? Or mine?" Her child continued to say that every time he needed her, she was not there. Everytime she needed her help to do his homework, she was not there. She was there most of the time on weekends, when he doesn't need to do his homeworks, when he actually needed a time for himself.

Professor Cora admitted she could not say anything and never suggested and even talked about spending a quality time again, with others.

For me, this story was the most beautiful, touching and surreal lesson that teach me so much on how to listen and learn from my kids. Many of us, including me, do not even understand the meaning of quality time. So, I think, some questions remain important if one discuss about quality time: Who is it for ? How are we going to do it? When is the right time of what so called 'quality time'? How are we going to evaluate it? and the list goes on.....

To this end, I sincerely extend my gratitude to Prof Cora, for sharing her experience with us, particularly with me, so that I can start listen to my kids.

(The phrase used in this writing is of my responsibility. I recalled the words to the best of my ability to remember words by words. However, the story do not loose its precious meaning as it was the true story, and the emphasise was about the discourses on quality time).